Cookies and Clint
by Sorores Animae
Summary: As I promised, here is the second part to the Avengers and Apples series! Dedicated to Maniac at Midnight for encouraging the creation of a series. I hope you guys enjoy! Warning: high levels of crack.
1. Chapter 1

**Hallo! Maniac at Midnight said YES! to my little question! Yay! Someone cares! (Wow my standards are freakin' nonexistent! Just wow!) Anyway, I promised that I would make Avengers and Apples into a series if even one person wanted it, so here we go! Cookies and Clint!**

 **As promised, this is the second part of the Avengers and Apples collection of one-shots. Warning: this is crack. Don't even try to make sense of it.**

 **Disclaimer: Avengers not mine. Hurr durr.**

* * *

Clint looked around the area warily. No one was around. _Excellent, excellent._ He tensed, prepared for a sprint, but froze suddenly when he sensed someone else in the room. The person passed into his field of view. They made no sound as they moved. _So she's good._ The archer pressed back into the shadows to avoid detection. Suddenly, he jumped out at his victim. She didn't make a sound, just went down quietly.

Lorelei glared up at the archer. "Get off me, you oaf!" Her eyes sparked with annoyance.

"Cookies!" the archer screeched before running away to the air ducts. Steve reached down and pulled her up.

"Thanks." Steve smiled at her before turning back to his newspaper. Lorelei combed her fingers through her hair, putting it back in order. Loki smirked at her from his position on the couch.

"Someone ruffled your feathers, I see."

Frowning, she grabbed a magazine off the counter and threw it at Loki's head, where it bounced off and landed on the floor. Tony howled with laughter, spilling his scotch onto Loki's Asgardian leather shoes. The trickster growled before disappearing in a flash of light. Tony laughed even harder, falling off his couch. Lorelei sighed and wandered off in search of their resident archer, to make sure he hadn't done anything stupid.

Well, anything more stupid than usual.

* * *

She found him nested in Natasha's room, blankets and pillows piled up and then patted down to make an oval shaped indent for the archer, who was curled up and sobbing. Lorelei sighed and asked Jarvis to call Natasha. The female assassin came running, but stopped short at the rather disturbing sight. Clint was nesting on her bed, clutching an empty cookie jar and crying, rolled into the fetal position.

Yep, definitely disturbing.

Natasha glanced at Lorelei, who simply shrugged. "I don't know either." Tony, who had tailed Natasha, blanched.

"Oh God..."

Natasha whipped around. "What did you do, Stark?!"

"I, uh, may have eaten the last cookie...and I stole his blue socks." At the word cookie, the archer's head poked up.

"Cookie?" he asked.

"Don't have any," Lorelei said apologetically. Clint's eyes welled up.

"Coooooooookieeeee!" he wailed. The cry echoed to the main room, where Steve, Bruce, and Thor jumped. The three sprinted down the hallway to investigate. Upon arriving at the scene, they all adopted confused looks. Bruce shook his head and sighed, then wandered down to his lab. Too much insanity here.

"What is this 'cookie' he speaks of?" Thor boomed. "Is it a ferocious beast? Shall we vanquish it? I shall call my brother! LOOOKIIIII! Bring your mystic horned helmet! There is a magical beast named Cookie that we must destroy!" The thunder god was getting more worked up by the second. Loki teleported himself to Natasha's room with a flash of green light.

"What are you babbling on about?!" he groaned.

After shaking the ringing out of her ears, Lorelei pasted a grin on. "Thor, sweetie, how about you go eat some PopTarts? Don't worry about the cookies, we'll take care of it."

The Asgardian permitted himself to be pushed out the door, immediately bounding off in search of his beloved pastries. Loki rolled his eyes and walked off. Natasha breathed a sigh of relief. "Okay, how do we fix him?"

Steve poked at the bawling archer curiously. When he bumped the cookie jar, Clint snarled and tried to bite his hand. The super soldier jerked back. "He seems more aggressive than normal. Don't touch the cookie jar."

"Point taken. Where's Tony?"

Said man was cowering in the corner and doing the Macarena, crying about dead rabbits. And definitely not planning to do anything useful anytime soon.

"...okay. Umm, what's he doing?" Clint was now rocking back and forth in his nest, cookie jar clutched to his chest. The archer was muttering the word 'cookie' over and over again while sobbing into the jar. Suddenly, he froze and looked at Steve.

"Cookie," he muttered. The archer squeezed his cookie jar more tightly. "Cookie."

Steve began backing away. "Um..."

Suddenly, Fury and Coulson crashed through the window. "We're badass bitches!" Coulson screamed. Then began gazing at Steve with stars in his eyes. Fury snapped his fingers in Clint's face.

"Agent! Pull yourself together! There are candles to sniff later!" Clint stopped sobbing for a second to stare deeply into Fury's one eye. Then started wailing again. Natasha facepalmed and jabbed a knockout dart into Clint's neck. The archer collapsed. The female assassin grabbed him under the arms and began dragging him down to Bruce's lab.

* * *

Clint ran around in circles in the white room. "COOKIES!" he screamed at the top of his lungs. Natasha sighed and crossed her arms. "It's been an hour and he won't shut up about the cookies." Steve shrugged.

"Maybe we should just give him some cookies," he suggested.

Tony stared at the super soldier. "You. Are. A. Genius!" he said in awe. Then went back to the Macarena.

"Steve, go find Lorelei. I'll keep watch on Clint." Steve nodded and ran off in search of the OC, I mean Avenger.

He found her sitting on her bed, reading a book. She looked up at the soldier's footsteps. "Yes?"

"You need to make some cookies," he demanded in an old-timey Brooklyn accent.

She looked understandably confused. "What?"

"Just do it!"

"...Okay..." She sprinted to the kitchen and began mixing the dough ingredients under the watchful eye of the super soldier.

* * *

Lorelei carefully placed the fresh chocolate chip cookies inside her plain blue cookie jar. "Alright, let's go-" Steve threw her over his shoulder and ran straight to Bruce's lab. "Hey! What are you doing?" He set her back down once they reached the lab. She exchanged a glance with Natasha, who shrugged. Lorelei stepped carefully towards the door to the isolation room that Clint was running around in.

She cracked it open. "Clint?" The archer froze in place.

"Cookies?"

"Yes, I brought you some cookies. Now I need you to step away from the door, alright?" The archer walked backwards slowly, bumping the back wall. "Okay, now just stay there." Clint didn't move. Lorelei stepped in carefully with her cookie jar. She set it down carefully. "I'm going to go back outside, and then you can look in the jar." Clint nodded. She backed out of the room and slammed the door closed. Through the window, she and Natasha watched him approach the blue jar and sniff it carefully. Then he prodded it a few times. Suddenly, he tore the jar open and pulled a cookie out, scarfing it down in two bites. He went through the cookies at a rate of about two a second.

When he was done, he dropped the lid. And promptly dropped to the ground, knocked out.

Natasha glanced at Lorelei, who smirked. "Sleeping powder." Suddenly, Black Widow had a much greater respect for Siren.

Oh, and you think I forgot about Tony and Steve? Of course not.

Steve had joined Tony at the computer. Big mistake.

The super soldier was now crying and clawing at his eyes.

Tony was laughing.

Clint was snoring.

Just another day for the Avengers.

Yep.

* * *

 **I don't even know. Don't ask where this came from. My mind is a strange place. Anyway, look forward to the next installment of the Avengers and Apples series. Or don't, because if you do, you have major issues.**

 **I'm leaving it up to you guys to decide who the next one should be about! For now, I'll only write one-shots around someone on the Avengers team. Once I've covered the whole team, I may allow a few bonus one-shots. Maybe.**

 **Reviews appreciated!**


	2. Author's Note

**Hey guys! I read your reviews, attemptedvisions, and your wish is my command! (but not really)**

 **Anyway, yes, the next installment in this series will be about Steve!**

 **I hope you will enjoy it! Just let me come up with the food, or you can suggest it, and I'll get right to work!**

 **-Jade**


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